Aaron Williamson's webl

I found this ad for 100% authentic Amish heat-turbine powered mantles in today’s NY Metro.  Notice the loving way the Amish man takes his plane to an already-finished fireplace while a fire burns inside.  Notice the natural drop-shadow which was definitely not photoshopped in because the Amish do not use computers.

I know high-tech heat turbines don’t seem like the Amish way either, but they actually operate entirely on the wrath of the Almighty rather than AC.

While even we lesser lights among usage snobs know that swapping “utilize” willy-nilly for “use” is wrong, no one ever told me why.  The subject came up tonight when I was editing a cover letter for Carly, so I took the opportunity to utilize the google and educate myself.  It seems “Utilize” means “turn to practical use or account” and specifically to “make do with something not normally used for the purpose.” So while you might utilize watchmaker’s tins to make a spice rack, you would use a dictionary to look up “utilize.”¹

The predictable rejoinder of overutilizers is that the words share at least one dictionary definition (“to make use of”), so they can be used interchangably.  To which I reply that you can utilize a toilet as a punchbowl.  But I’d really prefer that you didn’t.

1. Unless you had an MBA. [↩]